“I am no more and yet I exist, only now in some unknown space and time where my mainstays or my skills no longer serve. My thoughts, numb, crumple at my palms, for what used to be will be no more. But the fear unexpectedly starts to falter while everything gets covered by a flaxen twilight.”
As I wake up still sleepy and dreamy, I love the sensation of the moment when you are neither awake nor asleep, when you don’t know which day it is or what time it is, what you are or who you are, what you need to do or where you are or why you are right here, or… The sensation when you are just here, present at this unknown place and at this very moment, which is not even important as you are here, right here inside, where you ought to be, inside of you, within your inner being. You are inside, in your body, you have just sunk in, you are in your heart, in your chest, in your abdomen, and you feel nice and don’t care about the time or the space or… Or anything for that matter. All you care about is the blessing of the moment and its magnificence. And you feel nice, really nice. You are neither somewhere over there or yesterday or the day before yesterday or a few years ago. You are also not there when you got annoyed and kept spinning that spite in your head or when your boyfriend left you. You are neither there when you were ill nor when she failed you. And you are neither in tomorrow. You are neither in what it is that I should do next, or in five days, or at the business trip that tires you so, or in the sensation of a must start early to get to work, or in how much money I will have left or whether I will have enough to pay… You are not in a bill or in a court office fee or in a parking ticket or in a kindergarten or a school with your child. You are neither in a disease nor in what if.
You are not in anything. You are not in yesterday or tomorrow or somewhere there. No, you are right here. Here. It doesn’t matter where. And now. It doesn’t matter when. You are simply calm and somehow exhilarated, between the waking and sleeping, in yourself, in your heart and in your body. You are overwhelmed by some excitement, some tingling, some butterflies in your stomach. You are listening to your heartbeats, you are feeling your breathing, you are feeling your skin, the breath that comes out from the half-open lips. You are looking without caring at what, for you are not seeing anything. You just have the sensation. The sensation that you are present. There at your own self. Where you should be. Where you feel safest. Within you, with mother earth on which you are lying, sitting and walking. You are feeling its beats. You are feeling the beats of the earth’s core. You are feeling it loves you. You are feeling it supports you. You are feeling you are right here where you should be. It supports you, embraces you, whispering everything is all right. It tells you that you are safe and supported when you are within yourself and when you let yourself go.
This is the moment. That eternal moment. That moment of unconditional trust. That moment when the time and the space do not exist, as they indeed do not exist. That moment when we do not jump out of bed and do not look at the clock or the telephone in order to see how much time we have lost and what it is that we should do next. That moment of trust that all of that does not matter in fact. It does not matter what time it is. It does not matter either what we think we should do next. Ok, we should not be late for that plane, but… We should not be constantly guided by how much and how far we have come and what we should do next. How we compare to others or how others do things or how much money I’m going to make or I’m wasting my time. This all tires.
Seize that moment, wake up and imagine that you have a purple lid on the top of your head. That’s the one that shuts us in space and time. Imagine the lid open up and imagine white light pouring out of you leading you higher and higher and up and up until you get to your new, but also your old forgotten identity, to that moment, to your inspiration, to the point when everything that is not you, that you must or should do because of this or that, breaks apart. And let that light go up even more, up until the space of gold. Where our guidance is, where our inspiration is, where our intuition is, where what takes us up to the sky when we are on earth is. Where what makes us happy and what inspires us are and finally where we feel the trust. For we know that we are guided by something much higher than what we think is. That is our higher self which always knows best what the best for us is. But, we need to open up. We need to lift up that lid that pressures us. We need to let ourselves go into that space of silver and gold where our self, our trust, our identity and our patience are. The patience to know that everything happens when it really should only if we are awake and the trust that we are supported on our way no matter what happens.
Try to remain as long as possible in that sensation of the moment, the eternal moment, that comfort within the body, that sensation of just being, that listening to your own soul. Just lie there, do not jump out of bed. Do not look at the clock, do not walk like robots. They are guided by a programme installed in their head; but you are beings, not robots. You have much more than what you have been told you have. You have your soul and your body. Stay for as long as possible in that sensation of being, full of trust and gratitude.
For this is the state that guides us where necessary, where why we were born is, where why we have come to the planet Earth is. This is the state, this is the natural state. And nature is perfection and its laws are… But you know this only too well already, you are just afraid to try.